I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
