I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Vodka?
Forever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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