The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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