My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
