We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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