Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
