can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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