People with herpes should wear stickers.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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