Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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