Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
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I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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