i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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