these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
