You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
