I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
