I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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