My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
