its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
