I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
