I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
