Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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