The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We had to coat check the pizza.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
