He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
why didn't you poke me back
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
