apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
