; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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