I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
