Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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