i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dear god my vagina.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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