But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
