THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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