The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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