This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
