I seem to have left my pride at pride
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
