Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
