yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
