I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
