Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
