I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
