he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
