Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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