so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
