smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
