she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize