he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
