I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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