I puked a lego.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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