I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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