so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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