If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
