So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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