What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i now understand why vodka
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
His nipple licking is glorious
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