And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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