How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
