turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
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Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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