Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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