why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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