i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
