party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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